


here's to us (here's to you)

by amosanguis



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Family Fluff, Fatal Disease, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, One Shot Collection, Reincarnation, Waiting, War time, author will edit once she's sober, characters have to die to be reborn, post journey, the boys are bad with their feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 03:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/908466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six one shots with photo-based prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All of the photos that will be featured in this series will be from the Salty Dog artbooks. Picture frames are from my photo editor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the first of many photos that had magically appeared on Sanzo’s office walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None
> 
> Notes: Post Journey

 

 -z-

 

It was the first of many photos that had magically appeared on Sanzo’s office walls.

When he had first seen it, Sanzo’s eyes had narrowed but he hadn’t been able to find it in himself to take it down.

 

-x-

 

The picture had been Goku’s idea after he saw the large black storm clouds that were moving in.  All it had taken to convince Hakkai were water eyes and a quivering bottom lip and Hakkai was sold (how he had in turn convinced Gojyo wasn’t something to be discussed during polite conversation).

So Hakkai drove himself, Gojyo, and Goku into the city – and it wasn’t long before they photo shop.  And when they found the western clothing, Gojyo demanded that they not waste this opportunity.  Goku wholeheartedly agreed.

They wound up spending half-an-hour taking numerous photos.  But, as Goku looked over them, he landed on one in particular.  He had smiled and held it up for the others to see.

“That’s definitely the one,” Hakkai said with a smile as he turned to the photographer, asking after picture frames.  And when the right frame was found – Goku had smiled brightly and ran out to where Hakuryu was sitting, eager to get the picture to the temple.

 

-x-

 

By the time the boys got back, the rain had already began in earnest and Sanzo had locked himself away in his room.

“Hey, monk, we got you present!” Gojyo shouted as he started to bang on Sanzo’s door.

“Gojyo, stop that,” Hakkai admonished.  Then he turned to Goku and said, “Why don’t we just leave the picture somewhere he’ll be able to find it?”

Goku nodded and then turned towards Sanzo’s office.

 

-x-

 

Sanzo didn’t come out of his room until the next morning – dark rings under his eyes and his attitude as sour as it always was after a storm.  And it wasn’t until he walked into his office and noticed two things.  One, there was a framed photo on the wall behind his desk of his least favorite people.  And two, it was quiet.  Too quiet.

As if on cue, that quiet was shattered as Gojyo careened into the office, Goku atop his shoulders and screaming obscenities he learned from some of Sanzo’s darker moments.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Sanzo yelled.

Gojyo and Goku froze.

“Sanzo!  You’re awake!” Goku broke out into a smile as he leapt off Gojyo’s shoulders and bounded up to the priest.

“Get out,” Sanzo growled, feeling the veins on his forehead pulsing, “I have paperwork and you two are getting in the way!  Gojyo, where the hell is your keeper?”

“Oh, good morning, Sanzo,” Hakkai said as he appeared in the doorway.  “Gojyo and I were just about to be on our way.”

“Good, take the monkey with you!”

“You don’t mean that, Sanzo!” Goku cried, balling up his fists and planting his feet.

“I absolutely do,” Sanzo harrumphed and turned his back to the group – fully intending to sit behind his desk when he caught the picture out of the corner of his eye.

He narrowed his eyes at the picture and, maybe it was from the lack of sleep or his utter exhaustion in dealing with the others, but he felt himself deflate and his anger dissipate.

“Do whatever you want,” and with that, Sanzo sat at his desk and grabbed the first piece of paper from the pile, fastidiously ignoring the others.

 

-z-

 

End.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goku wanders the country, waiting for Sanzo to be reborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: character death; implied torture; killing sprees
> 
> Notes: reincarnation

 

 

-z-

 

It was a photo of Sanzo – though his name in that life would be Ken – and it was one of the few items Goku would carry on his person as he wandered China, waiting for his sun to be reborn. 

Hakkai had traveled with Goku for a while after Sanzo passed – but then he felt Gojyo reenter the world and he left Goku to find him.

Thirty years later and Hakuryu appeared in front of Goku with a wedding invitation.

 

-x-

 

Goku had waited a hundred years after Sanzo died, before he had heard whispered words coming from just over the horizon.  He had smiled and knew that Sanzo had finally been born again.  So he stopped in a village and settled in – biding his time and letting Sanzo grow.

And when the whispers became deafening, Goku left the village and headed to the city.

 

-x-

 

The first meeting had been as clichéd as ever.  Goku had followed Sanzo’s voice and had “accidently” bumped into him.

“Watch where you going, moron!” said a familiar voice and Goku had had to fight the tears, fight the instinct to jump on Sanzo and bury his face in his neck and scream _I found you, I found you!_

Instead, Goku apologized profusely and tried not to search too hard for some flicker of recognition in the other man’s dark purple eyes.

Sanzo just huffed indignantly and brushed by.

But then Goku’s breath hitched when Sanzo slowly turned around – eyes burning and narrowed in suspicion.  And then he was taking long strides in Goku’s direction and he grabbed Goku by the collar and pulled him in close.

“Who are you?" he whisper-growled.  “Why do I know your voice?”

And then Goku grinned and he took Sanzo’s face in his hands and he said, “Because I’ve been waiting for you for a hundred years, you stupid man.”

And then Goku told him everything – from his imprisonment to Sanzo finding him, from rescuing Hakkai from himself, and then gathering Hakkai and Gojyo and heading west, from the quiet years after until Sanzo had passed in his sleep. 

“You’re telling me that I was a priest in a past life?” and he had thrown his head back and he had laughed.  “And a high ranking one?”

“Well, you weren’t exactly traditional,” Goku had laughed with him and he quietly thanked any of the gods who were still around that Sanzo ( _Ken_ , his name was Ken now) had finally learned how to laugh.

“We’re getting weird looks, let’s go back to my place,” and Ken threw his arm around Goku’s shoulders.

 

-x-

 

That first night was a haze of alcohol and cigarette smoke and memories.

Ken’s apartment was small but cozy.  And it wasn’t until after he was two-thirds into a bottle of expensive whiskey that he told Goku that he worked for the Yakuza, was the number two for this part of the city, that he was a far cry from the holy man he used to be and “Is that okay?”

And Goku had smiled and leaned in close and whispered, “I don’t care what you do – you’ll always have my love.  Not even the gods could take me away – and they’ve tried, they’ve sent their best and they failed.  We are forever.”

And Ken had laughed until he was crying.

“You’re so cheesy,” he said, but he reached a hand out and brushed Goku’s face.  “But, I’ve felt empty my entire life, like I was missing something.  And now that you’re here – I don’t know, I just feel complete.”

And then Goku wasn’t holding back, he closed the distance between them and they spent the rest of the night tangled up in each other – learning each other all over again.

 

-x-

 

“I found him, Hakkai,” Goku grinned into his cell phone.

Laughter floated in from the other end.

“Has he changed much?” Hakkai asked.

“He laughs a lot more,” Goku said.

“That’s good,” Hakkai smiled.  “That’s really good.”

“How’s Shang?” Goku asked, changing the subject to the reincarnated Gojyo.

“I will never stop being grateful that he was born a demon,” Hakkai said.  “We’ll be together much longer now – provided he can stay out of trouble.”

“We both know that’s not likely,” Goku chuckled.

“Yeah, I know,” the fondness in Hakkai’s voice was evident and it brought a soft smile to Goku’s face.

“We’ll have to get together, sometime,” he said, “I’d like to see how Ken and Shang get along.”

“Who’s Shang?” Ken asked, suddenly coming out of the bedroom and dropping a kiss on Goku’s head.

“An old friend,” Goku answered.

“That does sound like fun,” Hakkai said.  And with a few more promises to come down to visit, they hung up.

 

-x-

 

“Hey, Goku,” Ken leaned over the couch to look down at the other man who was playing video games, “I got a job.  I have to go out for a bit – I should be back by sundown.”

“Okay,” Goku said, pausing the game long enough to bring Ken down for a lingering kiss.

They had been living together for a year now, but Goku still found it difficult to let Ken out of his sight.    

But where demons had been commonplace and accepted a hundred years ago – they were now violently hunted down and murdered.  The lasting effects of the Minus Wave.  The demons that were left hid in the deepest shadows, never removing their power limiters – even Kougaiji had set aside his pride and wore several limiters to pass as human (much to his own disgust).

So Goku did his best to stay away from the Yakuza – who were one of the few human groups who actively recruited only the most powerful of youkai (those demons who didn’t join, were killed) – not wanting to bring any attention to his otherness.

And he had been able to avoid Ken’s superiors for these past months.  And, because everything had seemed so perfect – Goku should have realized that it was all about to come crashing down. ~~~~

And then he heard Ken scream.

 

-x-

 

Ken had been betrayed by a rival for the number two spot – and then another Yakuza group moved in close and they tried to wring as much information out of Ken as they could before he bled out.

But then, a noise on high caused everyone to look up to the shattering window – and Ken saw the most terrifyingly awesome sight: Goku, with a large red staff in hand and a snarl on his lips.

Goku landed with a whisper and with fire in eyes and – without warning – he was simply a blur of motion and his staff was twirling and bodies fell – shattered and torn to pieces.

 

-x-

 

“I lost him,” Goku sobs into the phone.  His clothes are still covered in Ken’s blood and the blood of the other Yakuza.  “I just found him, Hakkai, and now he’s fucking gone – _again!_   Why is this happening?  **_Why?!_** ”

And Goku is shouting and the phone splinters in his hand before he can hear Hakkai’s reply and he’s still crying and still screaming.  For a split second, he worries about his coronet – but then he flashes back to those responsible and his bloodlust flares to life.

He spends the next week hunting down everyone involved and he destroys them and their friends and their families. 

And just as he raises his staff to destroy the last of the Yakuza – Hakkai’s voice rings out clear and bright and cutting.

“Oh, Goku,” he says, eyes wide at the carnage around him, “Goku, what have you done?”

 

-x-

 

It was a photo of Sanzo – though his name in that life had been Ken – and it was one of the few items Goku carried on his person as he wandered China.  Ken had died a violent death and all Goku could do as he waited for him to be reincarnated, was to pray that the gods would have mercy. 

 

 -z-

 

End.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanzo and Goku visit Hakkai and Gojyo's home. But there are darker reasons for why they're there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: fatal disease and suicide. 
> 
> Notes: Post Journey.

 

-z-

 

It was a photo that Hakkai had put on the wall – Gojyo had glared at it for a full minute before huffing angrily and stomping away.

Hakkai merely smiled at the retreating back.

 

-x-

 

“Hakkai,” Sanzo’s eyebrow was beginning to twitch, “what in the hell is this?”

“What’s what?” Hakkai asked, smiling innocently.

“THAT!” Sanzo shouted and pointed a finger to the candid of him and Goku.

“Ah, that,” Hakkai’s smile never faltered.  “I took it the last time you and Goku were here and well, I just liked it so much, I framed it and put it up.”

“But WHY?”

“It’s nice to have framed pictures of friends, isn’t it?” a sinister and dangerous edge was creeping into Hakkai’s smile now.

“I think so,” Goku called out around a meat bun.

“Shut up, monkey!” Gojyo shouted.  “It’s bad enough that I have to look at your ugly mug whenever you and his Holy Tight-ass show up!”

“But what if something happened to us?” Goku asked, voice unusually quiet.  “Wouldn’t you want a picture then?”

Gojyo hesitated for a split second before he retorted, “Hell no!”

“What about Hakkai?” Goku said as he stared at his plate.  “Since you’re a half-demon, you won’t live as long as he will.  Don’t you think he’ll want pictures of you to remember you by when you’re gone?”

“Now why did you have to go and get serious?” Gojyo sighed.

“It’s just,” Goku left the sentence hanging as he looked up from his plate and over to Sanzo.  The monk met his eyes.

“Don’t mind him,” Sanzo said, “he’s suddenly become all too aware of my mortality.”

“Why does it sound like there’s more to it than that?” Hakkai said, looking at Sanzo from the corner of his eye.  “Goku had been reminded almost consistently of your fragile human self during The Journey West – I don’t understand why it would suddenly get him depressed.”

“It’s part of the reason we came,” Sanzo said, keeping his eyes on Goku as Goku picked at his food.  Then Sanzo tapped the side of his head, “I’ve got a tumor.  It’s growing quickly and, because of its location, the doctors can’t operate.  Not that I’d let them anyway.”

The silence was thick and choking and weighted down the shoulders of all in the room.

And then Gojyo was jerking up in his seat and he began screaming.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Gojyo said as he stormed forward and grabbed Sanzo by his robe.  “‘Hey, guys, how ya doin’? BTW, I’m _dying_!’  Are you serious?!”

And before Sanzo could take in a breath – Gojyo was suddenly gone and on his back as Goku stood over him, fist clenched tightly at his sides.

“Leave him alone, Goku,” Sanzo’s voice was calm as he laid a gentle hand on Goku’s shoulder.  He then turned back to Gojyo and said, “You’re lucky we came at all.  I was just going to send a letter but Goku convinced me to come in person.”

“You asshole,” Gojyo hissed – but there wasn’t any real heat behind the words.

“Yeah, well,” Sanzo ran a hand through his hair, “not one you’re going to have to worry about much longer.”

“If you’re expecting me to cry—”

“If you did, I’d shoot you,” Sanzo snorted.  “But not to kill – I wouldn’t want you pestering me in the afterlife.”

Hakkai let out a choking sound – a strangled laugh as he covered his eyes with his hand and fought not to cry.

“Hakkai!” Gojyo pushed by Sanzo and Goku and he threw his arms around the green-eyed demon.  “Don’t cry for that pompous jackass.”

“I’m not crying,” Hakkai said even as his shoulders shook.  He took in a deep, shuddering breath, “How much longer?”

“Weeks, months – I don’t know,” Sanzo ran a hand over the sutra across his shoulders, the only sign of his uneasiness.  “And I don’t want to know.  When the gods are ready to take me – they will.

“Now,” Sanzo lit a cigarette, “how we stop talking about this and play a game of Mahjong?”

It would be the last game of Mahjong the four of them would play together. 

Three weeks later and the tumor had grown and Sanzo was barely himself anymore.  And, during one of his more lucid moments – he pulled Goku in close and whispered soft declarations of love for all of this life and into the next. 

And then he picked up the banishing gun.

 

-z-

 

End.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakkai and Goku wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: None
> 
> Notes: Goku/Hakkai

-z-

 

It was the in-between time that hurt the most for Hakkai.  The time when the other half of himself was lost in limbo and he was just so empty and lost.

And when it gets to be too much, when the loss weighs too heavily on his heart, he picks up the phone and he calls Goku.

 

-x-

 

Goku and Hakkai travel to the coastal cities when they’re alone.  The vastness of the ocean – with all of its unpredictable potential for either extreme calm or extreme rage – was soothing. 

So Hakkai would rent them a boat and they would spend days drifting aimlessly in the wide expanse of the deep blue waters. They would fill their time cooking and talking, swimming – in the water and in their memories and, if the hurt was bad enough, in each other.  And if another’s name was whispered, they never said anything.

It was during one of these outings that Goku found a camera in the lower deck.  So he snapped pictures of him and Hakkai and Hakuryu, of the horizon and the clouds, of dolphins and whales and the occasional shark.

And when it was time to go ashore, Hakkai and Goku split the pictures.  And when they went their separate ways, Hakkai pressed a chaste kiss to the top of Goku’s head, brushed his fingers over Goku’s cheek and then turned and walked to where Jeep was waiting.

They would both feel lighter, less hungry for their other halves.  And, for a little while longer, they wouldn’t hurt so much.

 

-z-

 

End.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakkai remembers the reason he fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: War time
> 
> Notes: World War III - humans vs. youkai

-z-

 

The mud is thick in Hakkai’s throat as he crawls forward, bullets whizzing by his head and mortars landing too close.

And when he’s finally killed enough men (finally killed enough _humans –_ because that’s what this war was all about – _Humans vs. Youkai_ in an all-out brawl that will claim the lives of hundreds of thousands before another truce will be drawn – whether he likes it or not) he takes Gojyo’s picture from his breast pocket.  And Hakkai runs his fingers down Gojyo’s blood red hair and over his smirking eyes and lips and Hakkai will laugh to himself.

And when a comrade asks _Who is that? Is that who you are fighting for?  Will he be waiting for you?  Why are his clothes so out of date?_ Hakkai simply smiles and folds the picture away.

It’s the last question that he has the most difficulty with.  Because this picture, this picture was taken thirty years ago in the ‘70s in North America.

And Hakkai doesn’t know if, looking forever 25 years old, if he’ll ever be able to explain.  So he doesn’t.  Instead he changes the subject until the next barrage hits.

And then, before Hakkai can blink, he’s bleeding and he thinks that he’s dying and all he can do is hold Gojyo’s picture close to his face and whisper about how he’ll love him forever and after.

And then the men around him, the _humans_ who have come to accept him, they’re rallying and they’re fighting away the enemy and then Hakkai’s youkai healing kicks up a notch and he’s removing one power limiter; and then another; and then another.

And suddenly those large caliber guns are nothing but stunted needles and Hakkai is ghosting into the enemy trenches and he tastes nothing but blood and victory.

 

-x-

 

The mud is thick in Hakkai’s throat as he fights and crawls beneath flying bullets.  And just as he defeats the last of the enemy – he hears Gojyo’s voice over the horizon, and just like coming home, he weeps against his rifle, and thanks all the gods he knows still live.

And then he withdraws himself from the army and, smiling, he wanders into the unknown countryside – into the unknown Gojyo had deemed to call his own.

 

-z-

 

End.


End file.
